Romance yourself

Romance Yourself to Unlock True Happiness

Roslyn Celebrations & Gift Ideas, Lifestyle Romance, Self-Love

Valentine’s Day is coming and our thoughts turn to romance, love, and the expectation of signs of affection. Where do we get our views of romance? The media bombards us with images of hearts, lingerie and kissing couples. Sagas of romance can be heard in most popular songs. But what is it really? As defined by Webster, it is a “tale in verse, a popular epic or tale in prose with an extraordinary tendency to the wonderful or mysterious.” No wonder Hollywood creates fanciful and extravagant views of romance – it sells and romance always frames the picture of true happiness.

What is Romance?

Romance has evolved to mean a show of affection, an expression of passion, a way to demonstrate appreciation for another person. It usually implies the presence of a partner or significant other, and wanting romantic gestures is natural; but why rely on another person who may not be in your life at present? Why not take steps to honor your own needs with a bit of self-love and “romance”?

Romancing Yourself

Shelves are filled with self-help books designed to guide people toward loving themselves more. The popular expression is, “You must love yourself before you can truly love another.” True, so why the resistance? Why do people think that taking care of oneself is selfish?  When I buy myself something new, my sister-in-law comments on how well I treat myself. My response: “What’s up with that; don’t you matter to yourself?” I need to remind her that she ought to be her own top priority and give herself the same love that we all have for her.

Many of us struggle to overcome feelings of guilt for expressing love for ourselves. Self-love can be a journey and mixed emotions often surface around a holiday such as Valentine’s Day.

But we can take life into our own hands and delight ourselves with “romance.” When we romance ourselves, we do the things that nurture us. Imagine that you are head-over-heels in love with yourself; what things would you do for this wonderful person? Fresh flowers in your home or office space. Hidden love notes inside a book or pocket. Scheduling time for theater, a museum, a class. Lunch with a special friend.  A massage, or turning off your phone and curling up with a good book and a glass of wine.

Mandy Hale Self Love Quote

Spread the Love

In a recent report by MarketingProfs, Stacey DeBroff says that “roses and romance are a thing of the past. The celebration has moved from significant others to include family, friends and even co-workers.” “Romance” doesn’t have to apply only to intimate partners; it can include everyone we care about. Whom do we choose?

I feel something I can only call “love” for people such as:

  Our business coach whom I’ve never met in person or a gal I’ve connected with online only, who has become a treasured friend;

  The friend who calls me daily to clear our concerns from the day before and to set the tone for the day ahead; 

  The two friends I’ve had for 45 plus years that have shared many stages of life with me;

  My trusty band of five friends who formed a writers group 18 years ago and  who won’t let me quit;

  Siblings: how blessed I am to have a sister, half-sister and sister-in-law, all of whom I love deeply;

  Communities: the people I have come to call “friend” via comments, exchanges, seminars, and groups.

I’m sure you have similar lists.

Gift from the Heart

Romance, as we’ve seen, can be as Cupid’s arrow: flying both inward toward self or outward toward others. Consider the love which goes into creating handcrafted jewelry and imagine the message this thoughtful gift will convey to your mom, sister, best friend or daughter.  Sweep them off their feet with a gift from the heart and remember to romance yourself as well.

 


 

The Romance Collection

 

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Roslyn
I loved going to work each day for 30 years as a professional career counselor. When I retired, I explored my creativity and regard for crafts until I discovered beading. At age 68 I turned my new found passion- jewelry design, into a business. At age 72 I took on learning about social media marketing and developing my computer skills. I am sharing my journey from inception, to frustration, to elation -in the hope of inspiring others that 'it is not too late to start again'. Welcome to my re-invention!

Comments 94

  1. So true. Glad you could share so much information on the subject . Sometimes I am so busy I don’t have time to take care of myself. This Valentine’s I am going to do just that. Thanks.

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      I agree completely Jessica. Gradually the view of self-care will change, or at least I’m hoping it does. That’s why we need to write about it. Thanks for compliment on our jewelry.

  2. I love buying and wearing a hand-made necklace. Not only am i giving myself a gift, but it connects me with the artist who created it, as opposed to one mass-manufactured. So I guess I’m sharing “romance” in a very personal way with someone I may not even have met.
    Nice feeling.

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      Thanks, Iris Stoler for your lovely contribution. I do think many people who purchase handcrafted feel this way and the connection is also in reverse. Appreciate your thoughtful comment.

  3. I always feel really good when I give gifts that I just love. And I can’t say that romance has moved from your significant other to family and friends. I really only share that with my husband, although I share a different kind of love with my children, family and friends.

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      Appreciate your comment Christine -The Choosy Mommy. There are different ways to romance self, spouse, family and loved ones. WE may not call it ‘romance’, we call it showing love.

  4. What a lovely post. Too many times we ignore self-care because we feel guilty of wanting to take care of ourselves instead of family, business etc. I don’t think it should be an “instead”, but in addition to. Our body and mind may be a machine, but machines need to take a break and go through some maintenance in order to be a top performance. I take a 5 minute break every 25 minutes and walk upstairs, look out the window or if Mia is awake, I’ll play with her gently, so she doesn’t get wound up. Chaos is always a safe bet to calm the mind..just have to watch her sleep, listen to her breath and it’s an instant meditation.

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      Thanks so much for your comment Gisele. How nice to think about the quiet time with your dog as a meditation. I can see that. The routine you have put in place for your self-care is excellent. I ned to take a look at something like it.

  5. Having love for many people in our lives makes perfect sense to me. Although I still see that romantic love has more to do with an intimate partnership, than a love that is extended to all we feel love for. The concept of self-love is definitely more accepted and hopefully embraced, as caring for ourselves is a priority, not a sign of selfishness.

    It’s also interesting how this time of year as we approach Valentine’s Day, the idea of romance becomes top of mind. I know I am a romantic at heart and yet see how it becomes more challenging to keep that “romance” alive as relationships mature over time. I’d also say that each of us has our own definition of romance and what that would look like to us. Romance has a sensitivity to it for me and brings a warmth to us by how the other person shows up for us. Interesting topic, as often romance is reserved for the ideal we hold of what a romantic relationship would be for us.

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      AS usual your comments Beverley highlight so many points about the topic. As I browsed online blogs for Valentines Day, I was struck by a similarity of thought and attempted to bring in a different perspective of ‘romance’. What is trending, especially for singles, is that one can romance oneself & I agree with that. Taking a friend out as a treat, without celebrating a particular occasion can be viewed as romancing the friend. It is about expressing that extra care & attention to others.And yes, we all have our own view of romance & what is romantic.

  6. I need to print this and put it on my refrigerator! I am always seeking balance with work, family, romance and self care. Your jewelry is amazing and with so much meaning!

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      Welcome Tiff to our blog. When we receive glowing compliments from a fellow jeweler, it feels like a hug. Thank you for that. We do have to train ourselves to take care of ourselves until it becomes a habit. In today’s world, we are torn in many directions & seeking balance requires planning and consciousness. Glad this might help you achieve that balance.

  7. Even though I am very aware that self love is important and I even make an effort to do little things for myself. I used to treat myself every Friday afternoon to something simple to brighten my day; fresh flowers, a pedicure, a peaceful walk. That seems to have gone missing from my calendar! Thanks for the reminder to keep nurturing our self-love. And yes, our relationships with partners, friends, family and even our internet friends will all benefit from the positive energy we’re putting out there.

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      Appreciate your comment Lisa Swanson and glad this blog is a reminder to put that self-care back into your Friday. It is so easy to drop it out. Some folk may not like calling the things we do for others as ‘romance’ so they can refer to it using your great expression, positive energy.

  8. You’ve given the word “romance” a different definition, Roz. Valentine’s Day can be a lonely time if you are unattached in the traditional sense of romance. What a great idea – to romance yourself. After all, you are the most important person in your life. Why not give yourself some romancing! And you don’t need to be single to treat yourself to a healthy dose of self love. Great article!

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      Thanks, Beth Niebuhr for your comment. We wanted to go beyond speaking to the single gal. You can be in a relationship and not always get what you want. Everyone can ‘romance’ themselves. It goes into self-love, self-care.

  9. I totally agree, Roslyn. It’s so important to take care of one’s self. I sometimes forget this when I am busy. But, this is a great reminder to do something for myself today. Thanks for sharing this reminder. Your necklaces are so beautiful too.

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      Appreciate your comment Sabrina Quaroli. There are so many ways to take care of oneself and reminders are a good thing. Treating oneself to a new necklace is one way or treating oneself to a special day. That busyness creeps in & we forget about other needs.

  10. Great post. As a health coach I try hard to get my clients to realize the importance of taking care of themselves. Love the concept of romancing yourself, although I can see how that could scare someone. Oh, and beautiful jewelry.

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      You are on target Karen about romancing oneself being somewhat scary. I can see that in comments. In fact, some think its a good thing for someone single and we would love to expand it to include everyone. Thanks for the compliment on our jewelry.

  11. I love everything about this post! I am so very guilty of not taking care of myself. My husband is wonderful at encouraging me to take time for myself though, so I am very lucky. It always feels great to pamper yourself and get dressed up, it does numbers for self esteem. Thanks for the great post!

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      Renee, sounds like you have a very thoughtful husband. It does feel good to dress up, be pampered, wear something new, be it clothes or jewelry. Make sure you do more of it as your hubby supports you in this.

  12. Love is everywhere and within everyone. It is in all relationships. Family. Friends, Clients. Peers. Romantic Partners. But the most important one is the one with our self. The others don’t even truly exist on a deep level if we don’t have self love – as that is where love truly generates. As a woman, I believe we need to give special attention to ourselves. We are often very good about giving love away but sometimes lack what we give ourselves. Buying flowers for ourselves is perfect. It sets the intention that we allow ourselves to receive and it doesn’t have to come from another. And flowers have high vibrational energy…for example the energy frequency calibration of a rose is the same as love – 528HZ. No wonder we love them so much! Thanks for a great reminder and sharing your love!

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      Thank you Teresa Salhi for your contribution to this topic. I love your comment about a flower, specifically a rose, having a specific calibration. Is this an area you have studied?

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      Rebecca Bryant, it seems we are all guilty of this at one point or another. Having awareness is the beginning, then looking to see what would meet our needs. Lastly is putting it in place.

  13. I must admit to being one of those skeptics about the “me generation,” but you have given me a whole new way to think about self-love. I’m captivated by the idea of romancing oneself, the way this opens doors to adventure and imagination. In my book (at least in my Webster), romance is also linked to writing (romanz, escrire). So from now on I’ll think of everything I write as an adventure in self-discovery, self-expression, and self-fulfillment: one long love letter to moi.

    Thanks, Roz, for continuing to unlock doors through your writing and your wonderful blog.

    Bill

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      Everything you do write Bill is an opening to self-discovery, adventure and can guide others to their own as well. Appreciate your reflection and appreciation of romancing oneself.

  14. Love this broadening of the definition of romance. The notion of self-care has definitely evolved over the past few years – not seen as quite the frivolous concept anymore (which is a good thing). Paying attention to ourselves lets us take better care of others – with less stress, angst, bitterness because we’re in a state of fulfillment. And doesn’t valentine’s day always bring up the pressure to be / feel romantic. So…be romantic in new ways, treat yourself, and then treat others. Nice thoughtful post.

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      Appreciate your comment, Deb Nelson. All holidays are for us an opportunity to sell, but more than that, in our blogs, an opportunity to explore ideas. We like looking at new ways to see oneself, see others, see the world. Knowing the pressure Valentine’s Day brings, we especially wanted to give everyone ‘permission’ to treat/romance themselves.

  15. The idea that women are selfish if they take care of themselves has been around for a long, long time. It’s such a contradiction; we say we should nurture ourselves, but then we criticize those who do. Hoping this changes. Thanks for a great perspective.

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      Thanks Carol for pointing out the discrepancy in our standards. Somehow nurturing was meant for others. Let’s hope this notion changes to include oneself.

  16. I’m a firm believer in romancing yourself — and getting yourself something special on special (or even everyday) occasions. I used to get bent out of shape when my honey didn’t buy me flowers for Valentine’s Day…so I just bought them for myself. And speaking of something special, I love your Sumptuous Treasures necklace…and I see you designed it yourself. Outstanding work, Roz!

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      I too always treated myself to what I really wanted & still do. When a similar necklace sold, I knew I had to create a similar treasures. Glad you like it Jackie Harder.

  17. It is very important to take care of ourselves. If we don’t love ourselves, how can we expect to be able to love anyone else? Thanks for sharing, and those are beautiful necklaces.

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  18. This is a subject so close to my heart, Roslyn! Ah, to learn to love oneself–one of the greatest truths of this life. And you’re so right: “Romance, as we’ve seen, can be as Cupid’s arrow: flying both inward toward self or outward toward others.”
    And all of the above!
    Great post

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  19. Beautiful post, so well stated. I’ve come to the conclusion that I have nothing at all to give if I don’t first allow myself to receive. I truly wonder at the beliefs that we are taught growing up that are so completely at odds with this. For many it translates into wasted time and plenty of heartache. Thanks for shining the light a little brighter.

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      Ahh Jane Gramlich. You touch upon the core belief that makes it so hard to be self-loving. I do believe it is something we learn as we grow. Perhaps families who have arrived at this will instill self-love & self-care early on .That will end this contradiction.

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  20. I love this post Roslyn! I love the whole idea of romancing yourself – reminding yourself how important you are and celebrating that importance as you would for anyone else you loved. I also think it’s great to widen the group included in romance from intimate couples to all people you love. This makes the whole celebration of Valentine’s Day less exclusive, which can make it lonely for singles.

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      Tamuria, you summed up the intention of this blog. To be inclusive, expansive so that all people can experience romance on Valentine’s Day and self-love & care all the time.

  21. Isn’t it funny how we tend to look to others for love and validation? Great post as always Roslyn. I’ve decided I’m going to go and buy my work colleagues flowers and chocolates for Valentines day. Do you think my wife will mind? 😉 Seriously though, great point about love and affection being something that can be shared with other people as well.

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      So pleased to see your comment and I’m sure your colleagues will love what you bring them. And your wife won’t mind if you ‘romance’ her as well.

  22. A beautiful post, Roz. I loved the statements about your online friends and I’m happy to be one of them 🙂

    Like everyone else, I am very busy at times but I always take care of myself. I even have this written on a small card that I carry with me all the time and I re-read a few times a day. Sets my priorities right.

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  23. Lack of self-love, from what I often see in my consultations is linked to low self-esteem and self-confidence, Roslyn, and part of my job is to awaken their awareness to the fact that they are unique and worthy of self-appreciation. I love your collection this week – awesome!

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      I agree, Vatsala Shukla, that it would be difficult to have self-love when you lack self-esteem & confidence. So great that you are able to help others and awaken their awareness to their worth.

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  24. I’ve been all about taking better care of myself the past few months. I have increased my water intake and my rest, cut out junk food and started exercising more. I feel a lot better! Taking care of ourselves is so important so that we can have the full lives we deserve.

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  25. OMG.. ROZ.. this is such a great post for you and your business.. AND one that I struggle with soooooo much. I get it… we are supposed to love our self, but ahhh, why is it so hard. But you made a great point, what would life look like if I loved myself as much as I loved… say, my children or my honey?

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      Kristen Wilson, we all struggle with self-love. Depends how much self-growth work we take on for it to lessen & eventually disappear. You are so worth the self-love that others show you. Learning to accept it helps.

  26. Agree, we should all think about romancing ourselves. As you surely can have already understood, my romncing on Valentine’s Day will be with wine and friends as one of the yearly presentations of this years outcoming wine is on the 14th. So we are definitely hanging around with wine producers then.;-)

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      Appreciate your comment, Sue Kearney. Sadly, too many women believe love must come only from the outside. It is just one of those things we can learn when we take on a journey of self-discovery.

  27. Very beautifully written Roslyn, I agree with you that it is perfectly normal to give ourselves the attention we deserve. I don’t always stay true to that and lately, I tend to skip the workouts, mani, pedi and such. On the other hand, I follow my passion and I paint a lot. When I paint I feel like I reward myself doing what I love most. I love your jewelry, very pretty! Thank you for sharing! ~ Nathalie

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  28. Roz, I have two thoughts on this blog: 1) I try to treat myself as much as possible, because I believe every day should be Valentine’s Day (a coaching friend of mine said that when I asked him about gifting); and 2) I LOVE your jewelry! You are simply an amazing woman. Thank you for sharing that with us. 🙂

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      Liz Benoit Cozby, I have 3 thoughts to your comment. 1) Thanks for the compliment and your [email protected]) Our jewelry is created by my daughter and myself. Different eyes, age, creativity, artistic imagination = different styles & designs. And 3) An aside is that all of February is Creative Romance Month- a lesser known fun declared National holiday. So even if we can’t treat ourselves daily, all year long, we can focus on Moi in February.

  29. Hi Roslyn 🙂
    What a beautiful post on how important it is to really love and “romance” ourselves…..thank you for sharing 🙂
    Love all of the beautiful pieces of jewelry you have selected as to compliment how we need to treat ourselves….awesome
    choices!

    It all really starts with loving ourselves 🙂

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  30. Romance! When I think of romance, I think of special moments usually with another person. It can be getting dressed up and going out to a nice dinner. It can be having a nice candlelight dinner at home. Romance brings to mind a box of chocolates for me. When my husband and I were dating, he gave he a beautiful yellow Valentine’s box of chocolates. Romance makes me think of beautiful flowers or a special gift given or received. Romance can be reading a love story. It really is a feeling that love brings about. I had not really thought about it being an act of self-love but it is. How can you accept a romantic gift from another person if you are not feeling that same romance? That takes self-love.

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      Appreciate your comment, Pat Moon. There were so many directions to go to discuss Valentine’s Day and the way you see it is naturally common. We wanted to bring another perspective to the holiday and it looks like we succeeded.

  31. Hi Roslyn,
    I am a huge proponent of self-care/loving yourself. We discussed this on a TV show last night. As women we were raised to be nurtures and self-less. Self-care contradicts those qualities. I see so many women with a dry well and an “empty spiritual account” because they have no more to give to anyone I curing themselves. This used to be me! If I had not committed myswlf to taking care of myself I would not have the energy to help.others and would be a terrible wife. Thank you for sharing!
    P.S..Nothing says “self-care” like treating yourself to a new piece of jewelry! 😉

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      Appreciate your thoughtful and knowledgeable response Sharise Hemby-Nance. Women can learn and do need to learn to take care of themselves as well as others. Sounds like your show touched on any significant points. We look forward to more on-line women treating themselves to a new piece of jewelry.

  32. I love this reminder to love those who matter most. My best friend has been my best friend since I was 14 – I love her dearly. As a matter of fact we’re spending Valentine’s Day together this year – taking our sig others to an art auction, which has been on both of our bucket lists.

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  33. Roz – thank you for sharing – this post was hot on the heels of the week of self love insight I had for myself. It’s true we all have love in all of its many forms and it all needs to be celebrated. I have a dear friend of 30 years; we don’t talk often; though when we do – it’s like no time has passed. I’ve reconnected with high school friends and again, while we live close by we don’t see each other – and yet if any one of us needed something; we’d all be right beside them. I have online relationships I cherish and hope to bring into real life too. Love is truly all around us if we allow ourselves to see it, embrace it and nourish it.

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      Appreciate sharing your thoughts and feelings Tamara McDuff. So great when insights coincide with other’s thoughts. Friends are special whether we talk frequently of not. Great to have them.

  34. That was such a beautiful post both visually and contextually. It reminds me of a post I responded to yesterday on FB where someone asked “who do you love most in this world?” My answer was me! Ever since I was a little girl, I always told my mom “I’m so happy I’m me.” That’s never changed. And I believe that because I feel that way, it allows me to give and receive the kind of love from the people I attract and maintain in my life. I’m glad you’re one of them Roz. xoxo

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      “I’m so happy I’m me”. Julie, most people struggle to get to this place of self-love and acceptance. I’m sure you are attracting people who get your authenticity and acceptance. In later years it is unusual to make new friends, but something clicked for us.So great to have you as a friend.

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  35. Thanks for sharing this post. It’s true too often that we women are so accustomed to being caregivers for others, we forget to give care to ourselves. My adult kids have reminded me that I need to take better care of myself because they want me to be around for many more years, especially to watch the grandchildren grow up!

    Regarding romance, in addition to Valentine’s Day in February, the 9th is my hubby’s birthday – and the 11th is our anniversary (#10 this year!) – so we always think of February as “our” special month! 🙂

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      K. Lee. Banks, you chose the month of all things love to marry, congrats on your upcoming anniversary. Thanks for your comment and by all means, we do eed to take care of ourselves, for ourselves & our families.

  36. I LOVE the Cab “whimsicals” earings and Lush necklace. They epitomize delicious romance. I am a true romantic and sometimes feel like I belong in another century 🙂 It’s also the Pisces in me. Thank you for all of these reminders on loving ourselves up, Roz! I’m thinking,”What little romantic gesture can I give myself today?”

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      Your favorites are wearable art, Hope and wearing flowers as jewelry is so romantic. Hoping you plan some extra love activities for yourself on Valentines Day.

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